It's been a while since I've posted. Some of you know that my dad died unexpectedly last month. I don't have the heart to post any other pics. I've got a pic of Caleb and Gramma the night after dad died, the pool looking very empty and a pic of dad at the summit of the Grand Teton in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. That is how I remember my dad...adventurous, heroic, big hearted, good to the core, courageous and smiling.

We had a ceremony to scatter his ashes over Memorial Day weekend in St. George. It was beautiful and painful and cathartic. There is really something definitive in my mind about my dad being free now. He's gone for a while. I'll see him again and that is very comforting.

Someday I'll post lots of pics but tonight I'm not ready to do that.

To those of you who have kept our family in your thoughts and prayers and have sent love in all of it's forms (kind words/emails, flowers, cards, cleaning my house, phone calls, etc), please know how very touched I've been. Each gift of kindness smoothes the edges of a jagged hole that has been blown in my heart.

A few pics from our intrigues the last couple of weeks. Life is stressful so it's good to capture the happy moments on camera. Then we forget the stress and remember the sweetness. In fact, looking at these pics, I'm forgetting the fights about finances, fretting about the job, and finding down time for just me and Cannon. Thank heavens we 're just normal.

mush, mush

Back from Boise

We are home safe. Boise has grown since I was there 18 years ago. Cannon had work to do and we needed to get some sunshine. The weather was typical blustery Idaho stuff but there were a few days of glorious warmth and sunshine. It was pretty mild compared to Alaska and was very much enjoyed by all of us. While Cannon was working during the day (and sometimes nights) we spent most of our time with Amanda, Tristan and Pierce out in Emmett. We had a great time with them. We also got to go shopping, got to play at Monkey Business, ate at our favorite places, swam at the hotel pool. We got to see Grandma and Grandpa Hillam for a brief but wonderful visit. All in all, it was a great visit to the sagebrush ridden, dirt hills of Boise. I will admit that anytime I heard someone mention "BSU", I snickered to myself, rather immaturely. And the flaming orange and electric blue BSU colors have always struck me as annoyingly tacky, but their football team has been so awesome that folks wear their school colors with pride. Boise is in an ugly place, but it's a fun city because there is a little of everything for everyone. We attempted to drive out to the reservoir and some peak that I forget the name of and we were so bored with the barren nature around us that we turned the car around before ever reaching the reservoir, knowing that anything we saw would be very anticlimactic. I will say this about Alaska, NOTHING compares to the wild, spectacular beauty of this place...not even Boise's reservoir, or the deer.

But it was tough to return to Alaska, knowing how far we are from family and not knowing when we would see friends and family again was a hard pill to swallow. It was also difficult knowing that I was no longer going to be paying 57 cents/pound for oranges and $2 for a gallon of milk. We are happy to be back in our home, sleeping in our beds and visiting with friends here. It's just a little bittersweet.

Cold=Cuddles

So, we do a lot of cuddling in the winter up here. It's cold and the weather is fickle and there has hardly been any snow lately, so going outside is not really an option. Listen to me, you'd think I was a lazy mom. I should be enjoying this Alaskan winter but I'm not. I have a newborn and venturing outside is not even on my "to do" list this winter.

Okay, Cannon wants me to fly a helicopter in the living room and I know I'm going to crash it, but he is insisting so it's time to sign off.

Christmas til now

Well, it's the New Year. We had the best Christmas ever! It was simple, quiet and so enjoyable. We cleaned the house on Christmas Eve because I refused to have a cluttered house on Christmas! We had a delicious turkey dinner with the fixins and then daddy read "Polar Express" to Caleb while I finished cleaning and tended to Lily. Christmas morning Caleb tiptoed down the hallway as Cannon and I eagerly watched and waited. Then he peeked around the corner, gasped and ran to his new Toy Story bike exclaiming, "Oh my gosh! Santa brought me a bike!!" His utter delight was definitely the best part of Christmas. Now Cannon and I feel like official parents. Caleb is old enough to believe and we are delighted to teach him about the "Christ" in Christmas and the joy of Santa/ giving gifts! We got to Skype with my family and later in the day we got to Skype with Cannon's family. We spent all our day in jammies. We watched fun Christmas movies and snacked...it was GREAT!

I made cinnamon rolls for friends and family. Cannon loved them and insisted that we ought to make more for our neighbors and somehow they disappeared before I could wrap them up for our neighbors. So, I'll probably be making another batch. Um, what else. My friend Amanda moved and it really bums me out because we were instant friends. Lily is losing her dark hair and growing light blonde locks in it's place. She is sooo noisy and we love it. Caleb was not a talker until 2 1/2 (swollen adenoids and tonsils) and still has a bit of trouble getting his words out. Lily is going to be talking by next week at the rate she's going! She is very cautious where Caleb is totally fearless. They are ADORABLE together. Caleb walks into the room and Lily lights up. Caleb can get her to smile bigger and faster then mommy or daddy, simply because he's her big brother! Speaking of big, Caleb is now a Sunbeam. He's loving Sunbeams and pre-school. Cannon is working on his truck and successfully made all the improvements for energy efficiency in our home that we needed. I got a hair cut and keep telling myself that I'm going to work out every day. But then Lily pulls a 2a.m. night and I drag myself out of bed to keep up with the her and Caleb...and then the week is gone. So I start over every week! I put some furniture up for sale on Craigslist because our house was too small for some of the big stuff that I owned. Within 24 hours it was about gone and suddenly my house is turned upside down and we don't have anything to eat on or store stuff in!! And Cannon and I can't decide on furniture because his taste is too cheap and my taste is too expensive.

Having really dark, cold days that turn into dark, cold nights makes it REALLY TOUGH to be motivated to do ANYTHING!! But we are keeping warm and doing our best to make the most of this wonderland called Alaska!

It's Christmas Eve!

We will have photos to post of Christmas Day, like everyone else, but here are some Christmas Eve catch-up pictures.

Pre-Christmas Joy

I've got to run and get breakfast for Caleb but thought a little pre-Christmas update would be fun. Lily pie is happy but a bit colicky at night so I'm still pulling really late (2am) nights. Cannon bought a crashed up truck to work on. He and Caleb have been having a blast for hours in the garage, working on the truck. It's dark and very cold. My Christmas tree has a beautiful glow most of the day and night because of the darkness. I've got a big pot of wassail on the stove at all times. The presents to be wrapped are taking up space in the laundry room. The fact that they've not been wrapped simply because I'll have to go into the laundry room to wrap them tells you how much I like being in my laundry room. Moving them to a different location would require 1)energy and 2)a hiding place from curious Caleb. It's beautiful up here!

Our Card to Gma and Gpa!

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Fall and snow and such

Fall was gorgeous and we are well into winter weather now. Happy to have Thanksgiving around the corner. My wide-eyed beauty, Miss Lily is growing fatter and more alert by the day. STOP GROWING! I want to have a baby for forever...except I can hardly stand the lack of sleep, the lack of exercise, the lack of schedule, the lack of an even somewhat clean house. I guess as she grows, my life will gain more structure. For now I'm conscious to love every minute of holding her almost nonstop. Caleb is loving pre-school and had a great time celebrating Halloween this year. Cannon is doing swimmingly with grad work. We're all tucked in for ensuing winter. We hope you are too.